Posted by: Jo Jordan on: February 6, 2010
Sometimes a man stands up during supper
and walks outdoors, and keeps on walking,
because of a church that stands somewhere in the East.
And his children say blessings on him as if he were dead.
And another man, who remains inside his own house,
dies there, inside the dishes and in the glasses,
so that his children have to go far out into the world
toward that same church, which he forgot.
Rainer Maria Rilke
translated by Robert Bly
Posted by: Jo Jordan on: February 4, 2010
I have one piece of advice for anyone who aspires to be a psychologist. Read poetry. Read good novels.
Your College or Department will jump your through a lot of pseud-scientific hoops. Jump through them but for a different reason to the one they give. Jump through them because they will teach you how to ‘fail informatively’. Yes. Fail informatively.
In the future, you will be able to handle unfamiliar situations by proposing one or more reasonable ways forward. And then you can set up some experiments. You can choose the best way forward. And if you have set up your experiment well, the less favorable ways will also teach you a little more than ‘wrong way’. This is the reason why you should study science.
To understand people, well, meet a lot of people and do things with them. And read.
A good read is Paolo Coelho who also blogs and tweets. Today he posted a 1 minute parable on the meaning of happiness. It is an easy read. The ending sums up the meaning of happiness.
For psychologists out there, this parable talks about two important psychological phenonena.
We need lots of practice at doing this. Computer games help us do this. TV and reading books does not. Sport helps us learn this. Writing does not. But speaking does. Make sure you get lots of practice at learning to manage your attention so that you tackle frontiers with greater ease!
Not what we feel, or believe. But what we do in various contexts defined by who else is there. We are our frontier. We are our edge.
Perhaps we are a young man who cannot carry two drops of oil and look around a new place. Or frontier is the new place, the new idea, and our own confusion. It is here that we are ‘alive’ with our dreams and our hopes, our confusions and our sorrows.
This is a tough challenge for psychologists. We have nothing to measure. The definition may even be circular. That is because psychology is not a thing. It is a goal or a purpose that is supremely personal. Our goal is to live a our frontier. The story of our frontier and our confusion is the story we all want to hear.
When we want to do the maths, then we look at whether we were in a situation that covers the whole gamut of emotions and whether we were able to respond appropriately as events unfolded. Or were we like the young boy, first forgetting the context and then forgetting his task. Can we recover from confusion and distress or do we get stuck? Are we so scared of life that we insist that it be plain sailing all day and every day?
Do we approach our frontier or do we hang back? And under what conditions are we able to approach our frontier and learn to carry the oil and look around despite our initial confusion?
Yes, positive psychologists do know something about this. But so do poets. Begin with them.
Posted by: Jo Jordan on: February 4, 2010
I want to follow up Gaye’s comment
“ I’ve not seen happiness or sadness as fixed points. My own experience told me long ago that both come and go. While I’m not that good at going with the flow, I remind myself of that old Quaker saying “this too shall pass”.
However, I find it hard to be so accepting of grief and hurt and sadness and pain, and I am surprised at the anger I feel in the cold-blooded way that many casually brush all those feelings aside with this quote from Gibran, as if one compensated for the other. Contrast yes, but compensate no.”
I don’t disagree with Gaye. I would like to extend the thinking.
Discussions about happiness become complicated when we are entangle questions about the nature of happiness and sadness with our ability to understand the happiness and sadness of others.
We vary a lot in our ability to empathize with others. We are also more empathetic in some situations and less in others. I suspect that we find it easier to be empathetic when we have been in a similar situation to the one we are observing.
Quite often we look for empathy from people who are simply don’t understand. They are out of their depth.
If someone does not have experience to understand our distress, it does not really matter. What matters is that guiding them may be an extra task when we are already strained.
What really matters is when they are in power in some way. Their lack of empathy denies our reality and we experience rejection on top of grief. In theory, the two together could be sufficient to spin us out of the natural butterfly loop of life and out of the natural recovery from grief as time passes.
Almost in contradiction, but not completely so, close relationships such as marriage are more likely to flourish when one partner helps the other partner elaborate good times. Yes, listening in bad times is important. But of more importance is drawing out positive stories in positive times. Recounting good stories deepens our understanding of how good things work and our capacity to come back into the butterfly loop of flourishing when we have spun out of the orbit is widened.
In plain language, when we are struggling with the awfulness of life, we need the good times as a map to find our way back into the natural cycle of happiness and sadness. Becoming trapped in either is illness.
The real issue is the ‘theory’ that we brought to the discussion. When we define happiness and sadness as separate and different, then we ask how much of one should we have and how much of the other should we have.
If we had a word in English to define happiness and sadness and the seasons of our life as one thing, stretching in a straight line or in that looping butterfly shape, we would ask different questions.
If someone is sad, then we act accordingly knowing that there will also be a time when they are happy and we will act accordingly them too.
I like Khalil Gibran’s words because he illustrated this notion of oneness. We find it hard to grasp the idea because of the words that we begin with.
If we had started with a different kind of word, we would have a totally different understanding. What that word should be, I don’t know, but flourishing and thriving are good starts. Languishing is the opposite of flourishing.
Posted by: Jo Jordan on: January 31, 2010
I forgot to finish my series on the 4 puzzles of positive psychology, but I was reminded by lines I read in Khalil Gibran.
Much of the time we forget that everything written about psychology is based on an underlying mathematical model. Psychologists like measuring things and as soon as they do, they’ve made an assumption, whether they realize it or not, about the shape of the thing measured.
Much of our work uses as straight line like the ruler we used as school. We fill in questionnaires. We get points and we get a score. We think of intelligence, for example, as being a straight line. We have more. We have less. And we can describe our intelligence as a point on that line. A point.
Positive psychology tosses that assumption out of the window. Mostly.
We stop seeing something like intelligence or happiness as more or less. We discard the line. We definitely discard the point. Points will now signify illness. Serious illness requiring hospitalization and round the clock care.
Now we see psychological phenomena in terms of “flourishing” or “languishing”. Are we moving around the world freely, or are we stuck in the mud unable to move in any direction?
The mathematical model that we now use describes what is means to be flourishing. It is a model of movement, not stillness. It is a model of action & reaction and how we change from one moment to the next, not how we stay the same.
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Sorrow and joy are two sides of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other. When our life is all one or all the other, we are ill. We are living in a make-believe world.”
But being what we are, we tend to think that “what is” will continue forever. When times are bad, we tend to feel that bad times will continue forever. That whatever is is “personal, persistent & pervasive” when it is simple a natural oscillation that in this moment is giving us particular pleasure or sadness.
The danger is that in our anxiety we might bring our worst fears to pass. The trick is to mourn that which should be mourned but not claim that everything else is also a source of sorrow. Nonetheless, this is a trap that we all fall into sometimes.
Enough for now. The important thing to grasp is that happiness is not a question of a mark on a ruler. Happiness exists only in contrast to sorrow; so it coexists with sorrow. Oscillation between the two, and all the points in between, is normal and healthy, because without sorrow, it would not be possible to be happy. It would not be possible to appreciate happiness. If nothing changed, if nothing every changed, we would not even notice it were there.
It is not a contradiction to say that happiness includes sorrow. It just depends up on the maths that you assumed at the beginning.
Posted by: Jo Jordan on: January 31, 2010
The wheel has turned.
Twenty years’ ago, I put together a corpus of English Language with the help of the English Department at Birmingham University. Books were scanned by hand and we culled the misreads by hand working through the night wearing every item of clothing we possessed to make our computer budgets stretch further. We used several mainframe computers switching from one to another to complete different tasks.
Then we moved the whole bang shooting match back to Zimbabwe on computer tapes and carried on analysing the content using UNIX.
I had forgotten the word grep. Well youngsters don’t grep anymore. They search for ‘regular expressions’. They’ve never heard of computational linguistics. They talk about the semantic web. They munge.
And they are doing fine work using HTML mark up and linguistic markers to search the web for information such as the schools attended by Conservative MPS or the names of officials who have signed off large grants to private companies.
Open data has surely begun though it still seems to be at a hobbyist level. While academics are moving (wisely) from analysis to design (synthesis), hackers want the cut-and-thrust of a quick sortie – a raid on the establishment.
One of the growth areas on the next few years will be learning how to test the quality of answers provided by hackers.
In the meantime, learn to hack. Because if you don’t, you’ll be hostage to the views of the world they put forward.
Posted by: Jo Jordan on: January 28, 2010
Gaye asked me to interpret “INTJ”.
I am sure you remember the LIFO? An oldish test that casts people into 4 type?
The Myers-Briggs is also old. It is based on Jung’s types from circa 1920. The test itself was developed and published after WWII.
It casts us into 16 types as follows.
The test is still widely used for coaching and people often know their ‘type’. And as with all personality classifications, we are also quite ‘fond’ of our type and believe it is the best type in the world!
Introverted – Extraverted is quite easy to follow: we like to spend time alone or feel better in company.
Sensing types like dealing with hard data. They will often be in jobs which deal with facts and figures though a surprising number of accountants and engineers are N and see the world as patterns. In the HRM world, the high S will be trainers and OD specialists. The high N will deal with strategy and more abstract issues, quite possibly being quite out-of-it on the front-line work.
Feeling and Thinking is also obvious. Feelers and Thinkers have a hard time understanding each other.
Judging and Perceiving can be confusing. Judging people are planful but also judgmental. Things must be just so but they also get things done. Perceivers let things ‘unfold’. They go with the flow. I used to tell people visiting Zimbabwe to be High J, be ultra planful, but expect everything around you to be high P and go with the flow. High J need to be doubly planful so they can adapt readily. High P, of course, ignore High J and just smile sweetly and carry on as they were regardless. Judgers also have to be careful not jump to conclusions and should always stop to think and ask themselves: Do I have all the relevant information? Have I looked at this from all points of view? Simply, they need to listen to the high P who see the bigger picture much more easily.
The interpretation of the types becomes a lot more sophisticated with what-you -see and what-you-get following some complicated patterns.
For most purposes, it is instructive to know someone’s preferred style. But it is that, a preferred style. By understand the ecology of preferences in an organization, we learn to appreciate people who “jump” in a completely different direction to ourselves and to build a mixed team around us.
Here is a link to an online Myers-Briggs questionnaire.
Posted by: Jo Jordan on: January 27, 2010
I am like a flag in the center of open space.
I sense ahead the wind which is coming, and must live
it through
while the things of the world still do not move:
the doors still close softly, and the chimneys are full
of silence,
the windows do not rattle yet, and the dust still lies down.
I already know the storm, and I am troubled as the sea.
I leap out, and fall back,
and throw myself out, and am absolutely alone
in the great storm.
Translated by Robert Bly
Rainer Maria Rilke
Posted by: Jo Jordan on: January 27, 2010
As a young psychologist, I bought into the notion that psychology must tell us something that is not common sense. Many leading psychologists still think this way. I don’t think it is right. The profession is setting itself apart from the world, above the world, beyond the world. It is now other worldly.
We should be more like management scientists. You know those tough guys who schedule the plans and manage the electricity grid so an airport never has more planes and people than it can cope with and the national grid doesn’t fall over when we all make supper at the same time?
Hard core scientists don’t set themselves up against common sense. They support common sense. Maybe they also read poetry.
That being said, maybe we need some prose to help people take the first steps. Writing coach, Joanna Young, tweeted this Lao Tzu quote today.
Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.
Sounds soppy, but these words from 1500 years ago are the core of modern management thinking.
Kindness in words creates belonging and the possibility of collective efficacy.
Kindness in thinking leads to creativity and strategic clarity and hence provides the bedrock of common action.
Kindness in giving creates the common ties that allow resilience and flexibility.
Some time on Google Scholar and you will drown in academic references.
Leadership: who are we journeying with and why are they essential to our journey?
Management: which way are we going and what can each of us do to help?
Human Resource Management: who feels secure with us and will be with us tomorrow?
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