Languishing? Hire a psychologist
Posted November 14, 2009on:
What to expect from your psychologist
If you make an appointment to see me, I am going to ask you the toughest questions of all time. And I am not going to stop until you either run away, or, you tell me this
- Which ring is you hat in?
- Who is the critical mass of your believers?
The feisty & the “out-of-it”
In my work as a “work & organizational psychologist”, I work with basically two groups of people.
The feisty & decisive
The first group are feisty, decisive people who have a clear sense of where they’ve thrown their hat. They know what they are about and what they stand for.
People like their energy and gather around them. My job, in the busyness of it all, is to slow them down and get them to look after the critical mass of people around them – not all the time and not every day – but just from time to time.
The hatless, the ringless, the lost
The second group in the world are those who don’t know what they have done with their hat. They might have torn it up and put a little in several rings. They might have forgotten where they left it.
The hatless often masquerade as organized people. In fact, we may recognize them precisely because they accuse the feisty types of leaving their hats lying around!
The truth is they lost their own hat a long time back and they can’t commit to any ring until they remember where they left it! As Paolo Coelho said on Twitter the other day ~ Distrust people who like everything. Distrust people who like nothing. Particularly distrust people who are indifferent to everything.
Their lives have become sad. They don’t trust themselves to choose a ring and throw in their hat. So no one trusts them. And because no one trusts them, they lose more faith in themselves. If they know where they left their hat, they will not say. They feel ashamed.
Trusting oneself, trusting others and being trusted, all three feed each other in a spiral that moves up and down quite quickly.
Tough-minded psychologists help you find your hat!
Tough words? Yes! When we let people drift, we are not doing them any favours. This is where your tough-minded psychologist comes in.
We begin with you pitching up being prepared to work. You signal your intent by paying. Nothing like some good money to focus your mind.
Then we get down to work.
Well what are you prepared to commit to? I want to see it.
I am your audience of 1 who won’t let you get away with 2nd best.
And that sets off a positive process. Fortunately, the whole process works as a spiral and it feeds off itself. Once you get going, you won’t need me for a long while.
You do it, not me
But I can’t do it for you. If I do it, you still haven’t committed to anything. Until your hat, with your name on it, is in the ring for everyone to see, things won’t work for you.
I am your coach and cheer leader
My job is to get you going. To be your cheerleader as you pick a ring that you can cope with. To be there the first time you try. To celebrate with you and to cry with you. Just at the start.
We aren’t feisty or uncommitted in perpetuity
The two groups – the feisty and the uncommitted – don’t have permanent membership. If you have been in either too long, you probably need to get hold of your psychologist.
Just don’t choose a softy. Don’t chose someone who is themselves uncommitted to anything in particular.
Look for 100% commitment from your psychologist
The first thing you look for is whether the psychologist has thrown their hat in your ring. Are they behind you 100%?
If not, don’t waste a penny! If their hat is not in your ring, nothing they do or say will work. That’s how it goes.
Start watching the hats and the rings. Be upfront and the world is upfront with you.