I was right! I feel so much better now
Posted December 15, 2009on:
Surprised by your dislike
Have you ever had a situation where someone heard the exact opposite of what you said? And accused you of lack of faith?
It’s wildly disconcerting. Your mind races as you try to understand what is happening and your heart sinks when you release how much the other person dislikes you.
Sometimes the situation is less clear cut. You are distressed by a situation and think someone should be making an effort. They think you should have acted in some way to sidestep the distress and that your lack of action has brought threat to them. What a slap in the face with a wet fish!
Do we ever see the facts in the same way?
Where am I going on this? Simply, it is astounding how different two people’s views can be of the same situation.
And it follows to me that there is not much point in worrying about other people think. They will think what they will and sometimes what they think seems to be a fabrication, utterly devoid of any factual accuracy.
What other people think is so distracting
The trouble is that most of us do worry what other people think. And quite often we aren’t released from the hurt of someone expressing their dislike and their distrust until our side of the story is confirmed.
It is a dreadful waste of time and effort, but ‘there we go’. We hate being excluded. We hate being rejected. That is why so many people put a lot of effort into being rich and powerful. To have “f+++ off” houses and cars as one of my former students put it rather pithily. They don’t want ever to be bothered by other people’s power to put them down.
We feel awful until our status is restored
The emotional release comes when our status is restored, at least in our eyes. And of course, it is in our eyes. The other party probably does care . . . or is plotting revenge!
But release there is. Silly isn’t it? It is like going up a ladder in ‘snakes n ladders’ and feeling important because the roll of the dice was in your favor.
But ‘there we are’. It is the human condition to be silly. It comes with the ‘box’ in which we were delivered.