Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’
What the world needs now
What do you think the world needs now?
That was the theme of TED Global 2010.
Leadership
I don’t normally bang on about the world needing more leadership. We are all leaders. That was the point being made at TED.
But I think the world needs less panic. Because we are panicking, we are “brushing things under the carpet”. We do that when we are in a panic, but it really doesn’t help.
But we also, always, have an area of our lives where, for some reason, whatever that is, we are not scared and everyone else is a jibbering wreck. In this area, on this one thing, we are eerily calm.
We can host the conversation because in that area of our current jumbled-up and precarious existence, where everyone else is frightened, we are not.
What do you think the world needs now?
- Image via Wikipedia
Overwhelmed by the threat of the ongoing recession?
In Africa, we have a lovely though terrifying expression.
When we up to our armpits in crocodiles, it’s hard to remember that our goal is to get to the other side
What do we do when we are surrounded by crocodiles? Ignore them ~ they’ll have you for lunch. Scream – a stress reliever that accomplishes nothing?
Read on!
Threat captures 100% of our attention
The threats of job loss, business failure, mortgage default etc and boring etc have become very real. For everyone. These are the crocodiles. They grab our attention and we can think of little else. At best, we hope they will go away.
Well they won’t. Like crocodiles, they have found us. We didn’t find them! They are not going away unless we make them! And right now they are taking over our entire lives.
Reclaim your attention by labeling threats as threats (not goals)
The trouble with crocodiles, and recession-type threats, is that they are so scary, we completely forget our goals, and indeed that we ever had any at all.
The mental trick to claiming back our attention and capacity to think straight, is to label a threat as a threat. Neutralizing a threat is not my objective. Fighting crocodiles isn’t the goal (for most of us). Getting to the other side is our goal. We need only to neutralize the threat to getting to the other side ~ not neutralize the threat itself.
Go it? This is how it works. When we label a threat as an annoying distraction, we focus all our knowledge, knowhow and strength on sorting it out, and sorting it out quickly. When a crocodile threatens us, we get over our initial panic and we poke our fingers in the crocodile’s eyes . The crocodile is neutralized sufficiently and get on our way to the other side!
Pick our battle ground and have the battle it promises
It’s still a battle, of course. We could lose. We will get hurt. We are still frightened. So it is heaps smarter not to play in crocodile infested waters in the first place!
If we am going to, and sometimes we have to, sometimes we find ourselves there by mistake, then we’d be very wise to keep a sharp look out for predators and to be ready to paddle into the deep water they don’t like. The battle goes not to the swift or the strong, but ye who thought ahead and pays attention?
We must also be prepared to have a fight, win quickly, and not worry to much about it when it is over. There is no point in ranting and raving about crocodiles when they are a part of the very life that we have chosen.
They are there. Deal with them. On their own terms, not in terms of some fantasy.
Deal with them as threats to be neutralized sufficiently to be on our way.
On our way!
Which is . . . which way? We have been so busy fighting crocodiles that we have forgotten!
Do an elementary SWOT on the back of an envelope!
- T = Threats. You know those. That’s all you’ve been thinking about lately. The crocodiles that threaten to eat us up.
- W= Weaknesses. You know those. All the little things you’ve been angsting about. All our worries about crocodiles are bigger than us! The things that are out of our personal control.
- S=Strengths. You have a canoe and you know the crocodile hates deep water. You read books and it doesn’t! What have you got going for you? List every small thing at our disposal.
- O=Opportunity Where is the opportunity? Have you forgotten? Where is the opportunity in a crocodile infested river? Look around and spot it. Get there! Now!
And poke out the crocodiles eyes. You are bored with crocodiles now. They are just at threat. They are not our purpose.
Don’t forget your goal is to get to other side!
A long recession
This recession is going to go on for a long time. Live your life anyway. Get on with it! Pay the recession as much attention as it needs just as you pay the crocodile as much attention it needs. Then go on your way!
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- It’s your frontier that fascinates me! (flowingmotion.wordpress.com)
- Image via WikipediaWhere are you in your life?
Where are you in your life?
- On a complicated English roundabout with 15 exits and cars whizzing around on all sides of you?
- Streaming down the motorway, very happy that there is no tailback but a little bored?
- On a country lane with hedges to the left and to the right – you feel lost because you cannot see ahead?
The situations seem very different. Yet they are not!
- Pay attention to what is happening around you
In your worry about where you are going (or boredom on the motorway), don’t ignore the traffic around you!
- Don’t rush
The best thing you can do is keep moving with the flow. If you miss the exit, keep going and “turn around when possible”.
Don’t fret that you missed the exit! I know it is annoying. But you will get where you want to be much faster if you keep going smoothly and double back when you can. Write the missed exit off to experience.
- Slowly, very slowly, plot your path ahead
Impatience is not going to get you anywhere! As you have a moment, start to imagine the road ahead. Don’t try to do it all at once because then you will take your eye off the road.
If you are able to pull over, take a deep breath and get you bearings, good. Do it. Otherwise, keep going smoothly and slowly work out where you are going and what you should be anticipating. Slowly and patiently.
How does this lesson on driving relate to what you are feeling about your career, your work, your life?
Feeling frustrated at work is not much different from feeling frustrated on the road.
- We feel agitated because getting there on time is important to us.
- We feel irritable because we feel out of control
- We feel powerless because we can’t make a solution happen right now.
Yelling at reality won’t make it behave
That is the secret – we are antsy because we can’t make a solution happen right now. Well we can’t. And yelling at reality won’t make it behave. Reality won’t here you (and if it does, it won’t like being shouted at).
Reality likes to be taken seriously and treated respectfully
So start describing reality. Leave your temper tantrum for later. No one cares – least of all reality. Just start describing reality.
- I am driving down the motorway. To my left is . . . To my right is . . .
- I am on a country lane . . . To my left is a hedge (I am driving in UK!). To my right is a lane for oncoming traffic. There is or is not a car behind me. It is so close that if I act abruptly it will bash into me (This is England! People tailgate like mad.) In front of me . .
Well you get the idea.
Bring your attention in and start describing reality
Be respectful. Reality does not like being shouted at or ignored!
But it is hard to put our agitation aside
Yes, it is so hard to put our emotions aside. They clamor for attention!
OK. So listen to them. Say to yourself, I am feeling confused/frightened/annoyed (hey, embarrassed) to be on a road where I don’t know where I am going.
Feel better for listening to yourself?
Good. And know I’ll tell you a secret. So is the guy to the left of you, the guy to the right of you, the (****) who is tailgating you.
You aren’t in this alone. We are all slightly confused. We should all start paying attention to reality.
Respectfully describe reality and it will respect you!
He or she who is able to do that wins -they get to their destination and they get there in a good mood!
Hating our jobs . . . let’s do some extreme living!
You are in good company, aren’t you? Most of us hate our jobs. And it would be cool to have a job exchange.
I have another idea though. I found it on a list of unusual things to do before you die. It’s a kind of “extreme living”. The idea is this : very deliberately find a job that you hate, and do it. There!
Now why would we do that? Why deliberately find and do a job that we hate!
Because we can. Be. . . cause . . . we . . . can.
No, don’t walk away. Of course it is daft to do something unpleasant.
It’s enough trouble escaping what we hate. Why do more?
Because . . . well, you know what I am going to say. Because – we – can.
You dread your job because you are not in control and you think you will never be in control.
There are lots of times in you life that you are not in control.
But you can practice being in situations when you are not in control.
- When I was a graduate student, I very deliberately went to movies on my own. Other people went in groups. It looked odd for a young person to go on their own. So I did. Until I stopped being uncomfortable.
- A bit older, I spent three months traveling from city to city in Europe very deliberately arriving at midnight with no accommodation. Until I stopped being scared of finding myself with no where safe, dry and warm to sleep. Or rather until I learned how to find somewhere to sleep no matte where I am. You can imagine I traveled a lot more extensively because of the self-designed training course that I gave myself aged 25.
- A bit older, I decided to overcome my fear of speaking in public by presenting a public talk every month for a year. I did. Many times, hardly anyone came. But I wrote a new paper (a proper academic paper) and presented it. For 12 months in a row! I learned the art of getting on with it! And I stopped wasting time on anxiety.
So get over you dread of jobs you hate by deliberately taking a job that you hate!
Bet you learn a lot. Bet you come out the end knowing you can survive any job.
And there are many other things better faced head on.
Part of life is dealing with the dross. There is no better way than giving yourself a crash course.
Do it over and over again until you are good at it!
P.S. Great way to apply for a job. “I am applying for a job because I expect I will hate it . . .” That made you smile.
I think back to the most frustrating times of my life and I felt exactly like David Whyte standing in front of a ravine, desperate to be the other side and with palpitations because it seems impossible.
Whenever we feel frightened it helps to visualize the ravine. And draw the ravine on a piece of paper.
- What is on the other side that we want so deeply?
- What is the gap and the frayed rope bridge that seems too dangerous to use?
- And where are we now?
I want to be clear: when we are really frightened, we forget to do this. And we chide ourselves for forgetting! But we shouldn’t – we are anxious because our dream is important!
When we remember, our task is to imagine the ravine and draw, or jot down, our answers to all 3 questions.
Then we concentrate on question 3 and write down everything we can think about where we are now. We might want to concentrate on the other two questions. That is understandable but we should write down point after point about HERE & NOW. Set a goal – write 1, then write 2 more, then write 2 more, until we are on a roll.
Lastly we underline the parts that work well. This is important. We go through our list of HERE & NOW and underline what works well.
And if you don’t think of something that will move you forward, write to me and complain!
But I guess you will write to me to say how well this method works.
Come with me!
- Think of your biggest dream that you have put aside to attend to your obligations or because you think you have to be cautious during the recession.
- Feel your fear and honor it! You only feel fear because this goal is important to you.
- Then draw the diagram and remember to write down in detail where are now Finally, underline what works well.
Are you feeling better? Can you see a way forward?
Prepare for a winning week!
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Overcome your fear in 3 steps
Posted on: February 12, 2009
There was David Whyte, on his own, standing at the edge of a ravine in Nepal. He knew he wanted to be at the other side but the rope bridge was in a bad state of disrepair. He couldn’t go on and he couldn’t go back as his friends had taken another path. He was terrified. What should he do?
Situations which frighten the life out of us often have THREE parts.
- A goal that feels distant and unreachable – Whyte knew he wanted to be the other side of the ravine.
- A gap between where we are now and where we want to be that seems impossible to close – the rope bridge was in a perilous condition.
- And where we are now – which in our funk we have forgotten about completely.
The gap between where we are now and where we want to be is sickening. We cannot see how we can get across and we are awash with strong and negative emotions. In this state, we can think of little else.
Now I will tell you that if you are experiencing a deep, debilitating funk every 6-8 weeks, you are not living!
When was the last time that you felt so nervous you almost threw up?
Come with me!
Think of when you last felt that something you wanted was unreachable. Or think of something you presently feel is unreachable.
Then draw the ravine. What was on the other side that you wanted deeply, what is the gap and the frayed rope bridge, and where are you now?
Tomorrow, I’ll tell you the secret of dealing the overpowering emotion and finding ways out of seemingly impossible situations.
In the middle of the road of my life, I awoke in the dark wood where the true way was wholly lost.
Dante in the Inferno
Mid-life crises, sudden loss, tragedies, and world-wide financial crises are certainly different in degree, and different in content. But they have one thing in common.
They are unpleasant to experience. We feel that we have lost our way. And we have a vague yet pervasive feeling that there isn’t a way and that we were mistaken to believe that there is.
David Whyte, British corporate poet, explores this experience in poetry and prose, and uses stories and poems about his own life to illustrate the rediscovery of our sense of direction, meaning and control.
Using his ideas and the ideas of philosophers and poets before him, we are able to refind our balance, and live through the financial crisis, meaningfully and constructively.
Come with me!
David Whyte has a 2 disk CD, MidLife and the Great Unknown.
If you get a copy of his CD, I will listen to it with you. And we can discuss it online?
flowing motion 
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